I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
