summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
