I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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