i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
