I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
