What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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