he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
