it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
