are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
