just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
