I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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