That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
