I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
