theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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