Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize