Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
