When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize