it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
