the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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