I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
