ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
