Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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