you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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