Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize