My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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