he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
