just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
