Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize