I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
