found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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