My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
