Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
