So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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