i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
