i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
