Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize