Do you still have your period?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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