I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm too high and old for this...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
