As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize