Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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