Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize