Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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