Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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