didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
