i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
