i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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