When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sext me about skeletons
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
