i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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