I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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