I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
