Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
