i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
