Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
