I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
