You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize