2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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