I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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