I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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