I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
