I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
