some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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