We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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