I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
