Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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