just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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