So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize