Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
MIDGETS
????
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
