You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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