I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
