giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
