just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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