why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
