I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
