he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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