dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Alive.
So much puke
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize