2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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