i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm at about main and main street
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
