I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
