Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
