just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
