it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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