I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize